Q-Branch: Rinspeed sQuba

Apart from the supersleek Aston Martin DBS featured in the latest 007 films, the Lotus Esprit is possibly the best Bond car of them all. It's the infamous 'underwater car' featured in The Spy Who Loved Me, driven by Bond off a beach and straight into the ocean to avoid Stromberg's henchmen. Legend has it that the chairman of Lotus ordered a new Esprit parked outside the Bond production offices, in order to give it a better shot at featuring in the next film - and it worked. The Lotus is, along with the original Aston, one of the most iconic and identifiable vehicles ever. It was just a shame that such a magnificent piece of engineering was restricted to Q-Branch, and could never become reality.

But that wasn't the case.

A Swiss company named Rinspeed has constructed a prototype version of an aquatic car, called the sQuba. It is designed to work equally well on both land and under water. It's a zero-emission car, powered by three electric motors, of which two are exclusively for aquatic use. The car will float on the surface of the water until the interior is flooded, at which point it will submerge (the interior is salt-resistant). Top speed underwater is 3 kilometres per hour, about 1.6 knots. Maximum depth is 10 metres. The sQuba does not drive along the seabed - it 'flies' in the water, exactly like a real submersible. The occupants breathe through diving regulators, and the open top means they can escape rapidly in the event of an emergency.

Isn't it beautiful?

The sQuba has not yet entered production. If it ever does, it is unlikely that many will ever be made - they will cost more than $1.5 million to build, and there is after all only selective appeal for a car like this. But it's still magnificent - a true indication that gadgetry is ever-evolving, and that Bond is more than just a good time - he's an inspiration.

Mondays Are Hell: Ten Ways To Irritate The James Bond Fanatic In Your Life

In the words of Ian Fleming in Moonraker, Mondays are hell. So what better day to write the first installment of a weekly James Bond column? This could be anything - a review, an article, an opinion piece, whatever I desire. And there may be occasions when a Bond article spills over into the rest of the week, but Monday will always be the day of 007.

First up, a light-hearted look at Ten Ways To Irritate The James Bond Fanatic In Your Life.

1. Remind them of Bond's real favourite drink.
Ask any self-respecting fan what Bond's favourite drink is and the chances are they'll say, "That's obvious! A vodka martini, shaken not stirred!" This is not, however, the case. Close inspection of the books reveal that Bond consumes a total of 317 drinks (an average of one every seven pages), which can be broken down thus: 101 whiskies, 35 sakes, 30 champagnes and only 19 vodka martinis. Even adding in all the martinis he orders in the films, the total is nowhere near the 101 for whisky. Of course, ordering a whisky at a bar isn't nearly as suave or smooth as ordering a vodka martini, so by all means keep doing that instead.

2. Argue that Daniel Craig's films are just copying Jason Bourne.
After the release of Casino Royale, those critical of the film claimed that this hard-bitten, cruel, serious, pugilist, almost dark Bond was just a copy of the two hugely successful Bourne films that had gone before. While it can certainly be said that CR and Quantum of Solace are grim films, almost entirely without humour or lightness of heart, this isn't down to the influence of the Bourne films, but rather a return to the tone and ethos of Fleming's original works. Casino Royale is, after all, a dark and violent book, and so were almost all of the ones that followed. Just because CR was such an unexpected tonal shift away from every other film in the series doesn't mean it wasn't true to being Bond. He'd gone serious before - notably in On Her Majesty's Secret Service and For Your Eyes Only - it's just that CR and QoS took it to the next level. And it worked - Craig's first became the highest-grossing Bond film to date, and on a personal note, his efforts rank 2nd and 3rd respectively on my all-time-favourite chart. The new era may have drawn some inspiration from Bourne, but is almost entirely still it's own beast. As Vesper said, just because you've done something doesn't mean you need to keep doing it.

3. Strenuously deny that George Lazenby is anything other than the best Bond.
A general consensus on OHMSS is that while the film is excellent, Lazenby as Bond doesn't quite match up to the level of his fellows. It didn't help, of course, that the entirety of his Scottish dialogue was dubbed (resulting in twenty minutes of not hearing our leading man), but it is true that Lazenby seems a little out of his depth. Would he have grown into the role and become a beloved Bond in the vein of Connery before him? It's hard to say. Personally I don't think he's quite as good as any of the others, but the decision to leave was Lazenby's, and so we must respect that. On the other hand, maybe he saw the script for Diamonds Are Forever, and decided to leave while the going was still good.

4. Remind them that the author himself hated some of his own work.
This is true of The Spy Who Loved Me. After publication in 1962, Fleming was so resentful of the novel that he prevented a paperback edition being published until after his death (the edition was eventually released in 1967), and refused for any of the material to be used in the eventual film of the same name. Hence when the movie was released in 1977, it bore no resemblance at all save the title, and turned out... well, I'm never quite sure what to make of the film, though it will of course be discussed in a future column. But returning to the book, it's not hard to see why Fleming hated it. The story follows Viv Michel, a young Canadian who runs a motel in the Adirondacks. Bond himself barely appears. The owner of the motel sends goons to burn it down and claim the insurance (not much of an Evil Plan compared to Thunderball or Moonraker), and of course Viv is in the way. Bond duly shows up in the nick of time, offs the gangsters, gets down with Viv and then promptly disappears before breakfast. From Russia With Love, it is not.

5. Continuously say that 'Halo' is a better shooter than 'Goldeneye'.
I have no idea whether this is true, not having played either, but it's still good for a laugh.

6. Play Madonna's 'Die Another Day' theme at full volume, 24/7.
Die Another Day is not as bad as many claim, but one thing is for sure - the theme tune is an absolute monstrosity. It takes doing to produce a song worse than Lulu's 'The Man With The Golden Gun', but Madonna managed it. The song is so bad that the CIA considered using it as a torture device at Guantanamo Bay, but the plan was aborted when a guard who happened to hear the song just once confessed responsibility for 9/11 and claimed he knew the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden. I hear that they're now using a six-year-old girl taking her first violin lesson instead.

7. Character-assassinate James Bond.
This is such a big topic that it's due a dedicated post at a later date, but for now it's sufficient to say that the character of James Bond, particuarly in the novels, is not a particuarly nice one. You have to admit that he is actually rather fitting of M's description as a "sexist, misogynist dinosaur" in GoldenEye. Here's a delightful sample line from The Spy Who Loved Me - "All women love semi-rape. They love to be taken." Charming. And Bond's attitude to women doesn't improve in the films, either. Whether he's casually hitting them (Tania), cruelly playing games with them (Miss Taro, Rosie, Andrea Anders) or just plain sexist (essentially forcing his way with Patricia Fearing, Molly Warmflash and goodness knows how many others), it's difficult to see why Bond is "the type of man every woman wants to sleep with". For such a famed lothario, he shows a remarkably dismissive attitude to ladies after having his way with them. Even when they are trying to help - such as Havelock in the FYEO short story - Bond thinks of her as a "silly bitch". The two women he shows any real tenderness to are Tracy and Vesper, both of whom end up dead. The one time his crudeness is permissible, perhaps, is following Vesper's betrayal and suicide, where he simply remarks, "The bitch is dead."

8. Comment on Bond's homosexual leanings in For Your Eyes Only.
The short story, not the film. While on the trail of villain Von Hammerstein, Bond makes an examination of him through binoculars that contains the kind of detail normally reserved only for Bond Girls. "The bone structure of the face... was square, hard and thrusting... the large mouth had hideous lips - thick and wet and crimson... he wore nothing but a strip of black material" is just some of the page-long detail given. And throughout the entire series of novels, there are references made to some women having bottoms like those of men. Was Fleming trying to tell us something about his alter ego spy...?

9. Purport that Bond would never get into the real MI6.
While for many people the definitive 'spy', it's extremely unlikely that Bond would ever make it into the real Security Services. For a start, his drinking and his sixty-a-day habit would put him right out of fitness contention, but his abilities and attitude aren't what SIS are looking for, either. MI6 themselves comment on this, saying on their website that "James Bond's high profile means he wouldn't pass muster as an SIS recruit... he is too high profile. The best intelligence officer is one you would never spot." No arguments on this count. While Bond may be adept at performing death-defying stunts, seducing beautiful women and putting the boot into various underground lairs, his actual tradecraft is definately lacking (count the number of times he is spotting following various people in Casino Royale, for instance).

10. Ask them to defend Live And Let Die, The Man With The Golden Gun or Moonraker.
On second thoughts, this one isn't fair. It's just impossible.

Real-Life Spies: The Assassination of Georgi Markov

Given that smiert spionam is very much in the British news at the moment following the apparent murder of MI6 operative Gareth Williams, the time seems ripe to look back at a few famous assassinations from history. First up is the one that everybody knows, the assassination on Waterloo Bridge with an umbrella. But not many people know the details behind the murder. Let's take a closer look...

The victim's name was Georgi Markov. Bulgarian by birth, he was a noted dissident of the Communist regime in his home country, then run by President Todor Zhivkov. Markov was originally a writer of several novels and plays - although the majority of the latter were never performed, banned as they were by the censors of the day. In 1969, then, Markov defected to the West, working for the BBC World Service and later for Radio Free Europe, an American-funded service broadcasting to the Communist countries where "the free flow of information is either banned... or not fully developed". On Radio Free Europe, he began to heavily criticize the Communist regime in his homeland, and so - the speculation goes - the Bulgarian government decided to eliminate him, with a little help from the KGB.

On the morning of September 7th, 1978 (the birthday of President Zhivkov), Markov walked across Waterloo Bridge and waited at the nearby bus stop to complete his journey, one stop east to the World Service headquarters. As he did so, he felt a sharp sting on the back of his right thigh. Looking round, he noticed a man collecting an umbrella from the ground. The stranger apologised to Markov and hurried away, climbing into a taxi and disappearing from sight. Markov thought nothing more about the accident, until he noticed a vicious red spot at the point the umbrella tip had struck. By the end of the day he was in a severe amount of pain, with doctors mystified as to the cause. Developing a fever the next day, he was admitted to hospital and was diagnosed with septicaemia. It was too late for Georgi, though, and he died on September 11th. He was 49.

During the autopsy, a miniscule capsule was found beneath the spot, embedded in the flesh of Markov's leg. It was discovered that this capsule contained traces of the lethally toxic substance ricin, for which there is no known cure. The casing of the capsule was designed to melt at 37 degrees, the interior human body temperature, and thus the ricin was allowed to enter Markov's bloodstream. From that moment, he never had a chance.

The umbrella contained what was essentially the mechanics of an air rifle, modified to allow concealment inside the accessory. The assassin would be able to "shoot" through the tip, long-barreled as a silencer to ensure the quietest hit possible, and then continue on his way - in broad daylight. What is notable is that this was not the first attempt at silencing a dissident - ten days earlier, a similar attempt at murdering defector Vladimir Kostov failed when the ricin was damaged and only induced a fever.

Soviet defectors Oleg Kalugin and Oleg Gordievsky have confirmed that the KGB was asked to handle the assassination, but to this day nobody has ever been formally charged or arrested in connection to the murder. The Times newspaper in 2005 named the assassin as Francesco Gullino, codenamed 'Piccadilly'. Whether this is true or not, it is unlikely that Gullino (or anyone) will ever be prosecuted, as the Bulgarian Statute of Limitations on the case expired in 2008.

If you'd like to see a real ricin-shooting umbrella, then I gather that there's a good example in the Washington Spy Museum. Markov is buried in Whitchurch Canicorum in Dorset, and was awarded the Order of Stara Planina for his opposition to the Communist reigme in 2000. The BBC building where Markov worked can be found at Bush House, just past  the east end of the Strand. And on your way home, you might like to walk across Waterloo Bridge. Just be careful of the City Gent carrying an umbrella, standing at the bus stop, smiling at you in the sunshine...

Review: Salt

Warning: this review contains major spoilers.

Who is Salt? Well, it began, strangely enough, with Tom Cruise.

Cruise was offered a script in 2007 for a film named Salt, to be directed by director Philip Noyce, best known for his adaptations of Clancy fare such as Clear And Present Danger and Patriot Games. He was initially enthusiastic, but eventually had to pull out due to other commitments - plus the fear that the role would be too similar to his Ethan Hunt character from the Mission: Impossible films. Which, to be fair, it is. That's not to say that the film rips off M:I in any way - they're suitably different enough as a whole - but there are definite comparisons between the characters of Salt and Hunt. So Cruise departed and Angelina Jolie was brought in to play the lead, now renamed Evelyn rather than Edwin. How did it turn out?

It's typical 'summer action' fare, but expertly done. From the first action section sequence ten minutes in (an explosive chase through the CIA cover building) to the final fistfight in the nuclear bunker deep beneath the White House, Salt grabs your attention and doesn't let go. While some may complain that the film simply descends into an endless chain of action/fight/chase sequences, they're all so engaging and expertly done that no-one should really care. And the plot is a cracker, too. Dealing with Russian sleeper agents embedded in the United States for years, it could hardly have come at a more appropriate time. Anna Chapman, though, only managed to infiltrate various banking and socialite circles (and more on that next week). Evelyn Salt, on the other hand, assassinates the Russian President! She is a Russian!

...Except, of course, it's not as simple as that. Salt is a Russian sleeper agent, yes, but she was turned at some point during an incarceration in North Korea and is now a true patriot of the CIA. She shoots the Russian President with dart venom from a spider (from her handy arachnid-loving husband), and then simply walks onto the barge where her fellow sleepers have congregated and, through a combination of grenades and machine guns, wipes them all out. It's quite a clever double-cross, and yet, strangely, I found myself rooting for Salt even when believeing she was a true Russian. That she isn't, of course, was the only way to bring the audience fully onside (and have any hope of getting a sequel greenlit), though it's an interesting subversion of the "innocent on the run" idea to have our heroine not be completely clean.

And that's not the only twist. In the final showdown it's revealed that Salt's superior, Winter, is also a Russian sleeper, only he's still dedicated to the cause. I shan't spoil how he dies, but Winter's reveal as a double is totally unexpected, and packs a good emotional punch. And it gives rise to some interesting real-life questions... if fictional agents such as Salt and Winter can rise so high in the CIA, what's the situation in the real world? It's this question that lies at the heart of the movie - the one of never quite knowing just who you can trust. The idea of the double agent is not a new one in spy movies, of course, but Salt spins it differently and succeeds admirably in standing out from the crowd. Direction is fast and fluid - Philip Noyce's best work to date. The script never talks down to us or patronises us. There's not a scene where the CIA laboriously work out that Salt is a Russian and rush to stop her before the assassination, it simply shows us Evelyn infiltrating the church and carrying out the (supposed) hit, allowing us to work out for ourselves the truth. It's a nice touch.

Anna Chapman: ran a real-estate business               Evelyn Salt: all-round ass-kicker

Continuing her run of action roles from Tomb Raider, Wanted and Mr and Mrs Smith, Jolie once again proves herself more than competent in the action heroine role. The melee fights are just as good as those conducted by Matt Damon or Daniel Craig (she performs almost all of the stunts herself). But Jolie doesn't just prove herself in the action sequences, she's able to handle the dramatic scenes just as well. The film doesn't quite require the huge emotional depth of performance of Jolie that A Mighty Heart or Changeling did, but she's nevertheless at the top of her game. There's a reason she's won an Oscar, after all.

Perfectly honestly, nobody else is given that much to do compared to Angelina, but the rest of the cast fill out their roles well. Liev Schreiber as the treacherous Winter comes into his own in the final bunker scenes, and it's interesting to remember his anguished confrontation with Salt after she's arrested for the assassination in light of the fact that he himself was in on it all along. Chiwetel Ejiofor as Peabody is solid as the man who never trusted Salt from the start, but by the end is the only one that believes in her innocence. I'd like to see him return in a possible sequel.

No-one else really sticks around long enough to make that much of an impact, although I'm going to give special mention to sleeper program directer Orlov, and give him a Largo Award (see previous post) for Bad Villainy. Orlov kicks off the film by walking into the CIA and declaring that Salt will attempt to assassinate the Russian President the next day. While this is perfectly true, and it sets up the first of several action sequences, there's really no need for Orlov to do this whatsoever. Salt knows her task, has known for twenty years, and isn't the type likely to forget. If Orlov had stayed dark for one more day, the CIA would never have chased Salt down in the first place and her mission would have been a whole lot simpler. Of course, this means that the first half-hour of the film wouldn't exist, so it's understandable why the scene was written (and excusable, since it's so good). But you can't help but wonder whether Orlov would truly jeopardise the long-awaited Day X for no apparent gain. But this complaint is, on the whole, very minor, and certainly doesn't detract from what is an all-round excellent film.

Comparisons are, of course, inevitable with the twin franchises of Bond and Bourne. And while Salt may not quite scale the heights of the latter trilogy, it's definately better than a fair few of the Bonds. The final scene also expertly sets up the prospect of a sequel - the re-doubled Evelyn, heading after the remainder of Orlov's 'children' while avoiding the CIA. A second film will in all likelihood depend on the return this one makes at the box office - so let's hope it's enough to convince the Suits at Columbia Pictures to invest their money in what has the potential to be an excellent spy franchise. Bond is bankrupt and Bourne is missing in action - perhaps it's time for Salt to take centre stage.

Welcome

Welcome to the Double-0 Section.

This is a blog that will deal with all aspects of spying - the players and the gadgets, the factual and the fictional, the real-life cases and the plots dreamt up for entertainment that might not be too far off the truth. We'll be taking in the current espionage in the news, as well as looking back over high-profile (and lesser-known) cases from history. We'll be examining methodology and gadgetry and all things covert, while at the same time digging deep into the how and why of spycraft. We'll also be dealing with the world of espionage in all forms of entertainment - literature, television and videogames, to name but a few. And above all else, the Double-0 Section deals with anything related to the fascinating world of spying in all its forms. Any suggestions for articles are welcomed, any feedback is gratefully received.

Here's a hint of what'll be coming up over the next few days. There'll be a review of Salt, the spy thriller currently in cinemas. I'll be looking at the real-life 'aquatic car' inspired by the infamous Lotus Esprit. In light of the murder of MI6 employee Gareth Williams, I'll be posting the first in a series of articles dealing with espionage assassinations. There'll be an in-depth look at the simmering tenisons between the US and Russia following the Anna Chapman spy scandal. Plus, there'll be an awful lot about James Bond.

And indeed, to kick us off, a short piece about that most marvellous of film series. Watching Thunderball (1967) for the first time in three years yesterday, I was struck - for the first time - at just how idiotic Emilio Largo, SPECTRE's Number Two and the main villain of the piece, seems to be. His plan is a fine one - steal two atomic weapons, and then hold the world to ransom. But there are three major flaws.

1. He keeps Domino around
Domino is the sister of the man that Largo killed in order to steal the plane carrying the nuclear weapons. Understandably, if she ever finds out about this, she's going to be a bit pissed. So what does Largo do? He keeps her right by his side throughout the entire film. If he'd packed her off to some health spa or Secret Lair somewhere, without telling her where he was, Bond would never have gotten anywhere near Largo when he encountered Derval, and the plot would have succeeded. Of course, the fact that Bond had so much time to find and woo Domino in Nassau brings us on to...

2. He gives a seven-day deadline
Largo holds two atomic bombs. He can do whatever he likes. The world is willing to pay his ransom. But why, why, why give them seven days? It's needlessly generous. If he'd offered, say, two days, there is no way Bond would have worked out the full plan in that time. And the decision was made pretty quickly to give SPECTRE the money, so it was never really a 'last resort'. Giving seven days before the bombs go off is bad villainy, pure and simple.

But the worst transgression Largo commits is the following...

3. He gives all his henchmen and minions MASSIVE SPECTRE RINGS TO WEAR

Does Largo not understand the concept of a 'secret' organisation? He and his cronies all wear humongous octopus rings, noticed by Bond when he plays Largo at cards, and then on Fiona Volpe's finger (at least she half-heartedly tries to explain it away). What a giveaway! So not only does Largo keep around a woman with a blood vendetta against him (once she finds out), he gives the world a whole week to find him, and he advertises his henchmen for all to see by judicious use of jewellry. Sigh. No wonder he was always Number Two.

Mind you, the octopus ring provided the inspiration to call the SPECTRE-in-all-but-name evil organisation OCTOPUS in the videogame of From Russia With Love, so it's not all bad.

Keep your eyes on the Section for future updates. As many as I can fit in. Enjoy.